Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
