to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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