whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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