i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
