Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
is it fun? or sober?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize