My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
