I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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