my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
