I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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