Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
