I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
