I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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