I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
