I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize