He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize