Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
