Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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