im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
