I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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