he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Acid is not a monday night drug
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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