Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I need to stop coming to work sober
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
