stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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