theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
