I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
