Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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