I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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