I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You need Xanax blowdarts
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
