She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
