i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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