My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
