just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize