The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
