are you so shy because you have an std?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
