evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
