How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
