shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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