Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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