I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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