Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
