okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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