We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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