dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
