so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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