I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
