that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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