I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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