I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
