i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
