If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im six kinds of drunk right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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