I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
