I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
