i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
