i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
