Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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