I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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