pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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