in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
