Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
