Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
