good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
