my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
