You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
