By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
