Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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