I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Randomize
