Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
