The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
