In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
