I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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