How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
