I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
