You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
