i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
