I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
