it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
